Bordeaux versus Burgundy

Having read my review of Rioja, a couple of readers asked if I have any more views to offer on wine. For example, where do I stand on the perennial Bordeaux versus Burgundy debate?

In order to research this properly I tasted a couple of samples of each type of wine. And below are the results.

BORDEAUX

Chateau Bauduc Bordeaux Superieur 2006: A fruity little wine, though not necessarily homosexual. Bisexual perhaps. This gender-bending Bordeaux positively exudes sexual ambiguity. One suspects that it would be prepared to get up on anything. Especially if it thinks nobody is watching.

Château Cardinal Villemaurine Saint Emilion Grand Cru 2004: An intellectual wine. Always has its head stuck in a book. Needs to get out more. Rational to the point of passionless. The Doctor Spock of wines. A real “know it all”. Not much fun to be around at all at all.

BURGUNDY

Charles Thomas Nuits-Saint-Georges 2005: A neurotic wine. Terribly introverted. Painfully shy and self-absorbed. Has the air of a burgundy that has spent a lot of time on the psychiatrist’s couch. And with very little to show for it as well.

SANTENAY VIEILLES VIGNES 2000: Fleshy and rich with pineapple, peach and apricot aromas as well as suggestions of tuberculosis and gonorrhoea. Smooth and ripe and expressive in the mouth. Would only recommend it for experienced wine drinkers who want to try something daring. Wear a condom.

So what’ll it be boy? Bordeaux or Burgundy? I’m sticking with Rioja.

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Wine of the Year: Rioja

Rioja doesn’t have any notions about itself. Unlike so many other wines, Rioja is not up its own arse. If you don’t like the superficial pizzazz of Italian wines, or the pretentious fussiness of French wines, or the plodding sameness of New World wines, then Rioja is the tipple for you. In many respects, I feel Rioja wines resemble this website. Rioja is uncomplicated yet substantial. It’s a serious wine. But it’s not humourless. I like my wines heavy, but agile and flexible. I want big fruity, flavours. I want the depth of oak. I want wines that bring me closer to nature. Rioja is not antiseptic. It’s not made by computers. It’s rough around the edges, but it’s also deeply civilised. It’s wild at heart, but it’s not completely out of control. I want wines that are simple, but not simplistic. I don’t want my wines to ask me too many questions, to set me too many challenges. I don’t want clever conversation. I don’t want to work that hard. I want a wine, not a crossword puzzle. I don’t like wines that are impertinent. A wine should not smack of adolescence. It should be solid rather than frivolous. It should be confident in itself. It should feel no need to go out of its way to impress. I don’t like wines that do little tap-dances, or that try to dazzle with summersaults. There’s nothing worse than an insecure wine. I like my wines to have been around the block. I want wines that have a scandalous history but a well-behaved, respectable present. But I don’t like my wines to be docile either. Nobody wants to drink a servile wine. Nobody wants a wine that has nothing to say for itself. Well, I reckon Rioja has it all. It has the balance just right. The wine of the year.