Paris Hilton is possibly the world’s most famous celebrity. I caught up with her in her L.A. mansion where we discussed fame, relationships, Ambrose Bierce and her deep love of this blog.
BRIAN: Hi Paris. You’re incredibly well-known. Why do you think people find you so fascinating?
PARIS HILTON: Beats the hell out of me! I’m as mystified by the circus as anyone.
BRIAN: [laughs] So just how famous are you?
PARIS HILTON: Really, really famous. For years, my name has been one of the most common entries into Internet search engines. If you talk about me on your web page, you are guaranteed more hits. The more you mention the name of Paris Hilton on your web page, the more referrals you will get from search engines.
BRIAN: Really? So if I type your name into my blog over and over again like this: Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton Paris Hilton – it will increase my readership?
PARIS HILTON: Guaranteed! But I’m sure you would never resort to such underhand tactics merely to try and get more hits …
BRIAN: [nervous laughter] No, no, of course not. So are you seeing anyone at the moment?
PARIS HILTON: Oh you know yourself Brian, I have a few things on the go. Nothing too serious.
BRIAN: Have you read any good books recently?
PARIS HILTON: Yes. I’ve been reading a the Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.
BRIAN: Wow! That sounds a bit … well … high-brow for someone like you. Are you trying to counter your image as a air-head blonde?
PARIS HILTON: God no! I make a good living carefully cultivating my image as an air-head blonde. It would be madness to try and get rid of that.
BRIAN: I see. Does it ever bother you that people think that you’re dumb?
PARIS HILTON: If people think I am so dumb, then why are they so interested in every aspect of my life? I ask you Brian, who are the really dumb people here? [gives me big wink].
BRIAN: [laughs] So what do you make of Bierce?
PARIS HILTON: In the pantheon of great American writers, I place him behind only Twain and Emerson. Consider the following definitions from his dictionary:
- Abstainer, n: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
- Absurdity, n: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
- Admiration, n: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
- Egotist, n: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
- Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
- Happiness, n: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
- Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
- Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
- Famous, adj: Conspicuously miserable
- Friendless, adj: Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense
- Future, n:That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
- Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.
- Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
- Patience, n - a minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.
PARIS HILTON: Yes. Well I really admire your blog too. I read it every day.
BRIAN: [looking chuffed] Oh it’s just a little hobby of mine. Nothing too serious.
PARIS HILTON: No, no. I find your blog keeps me grounded. There’s something in it for everybody. It works on so many levels.
BRIAN: [blushing] Gee … Thanks Paris.
PARIS HILTON: I have to go now. Some of my female celebrity friends are in the hot-tub around the back of the house. Would you like to join us for a while?
BRIAN: It's a non-starter - I'm married.
PARIS HILTON: Oh come on!
BRIAN: [shuffling uneasily] Erm … perhaps I should just go. I’ve been reading one of Plato’s later dialogues, a really complex one, and I feel I should be getting back to it.
PARIS HILTON: Ok so, those Platonic Dialogues aren’t going to read themselves! Maybe you could join us for just a minute? Some of my friends need sun-lotion rubbed into them. You could do it.
BRIAN: [hesitates for a second before the words of a minor English poet come rushing into his mind –
"Poor soul, the centre of my sinful earth,
Rebuke these rebel powers that thee array;
Why dost thou pine within and suffer dearth,
Painting thy outward walls so costly gay?
Why so large cost, having so short a lease,
Dost thou upon thy fading mansion spend?
Shall worms, inheritors of this excess,
Eat up thy charge? is this thy body's end?
Then soul, live thou upon thy servant's loss,
And let that pine to aggravate thy store;
Buy terms divine in selling hours of dross;
Within be fed, without be rich no more:
So shalt thou feed on Death, that feeds on men,
And Death once dead, there's no more dying then".
Sorry Paris but I really have to go.
PARIS HILTON: Ok so. All the best
[Interview Ends]
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