Abolish Valentine’s Day (Again)

Last year my call to abolish Valentine’s day was very popular and received widespread support. Or at least that is what I was led to believe at the time. But I note with dismay that Valentine’s Day has not yet been abolished, despite my reasonable demand. This leads me to fear that this website may not have quite the influence and global power I once believed it had. Nevertheless, we shouldn’t let a minor setback like this throw us off course. I am undeterred by this. So, here is the post again:

“No holiday in human history has caused more misery and stress than Valentine’s Day (with the possible exception of Aztec feast days, when priests ripped the beating hearts out of hundreds of terrified captives).

Valentine’s day is an unpleasant day of the year for everyone. It’s an unpleasant day of the year for people who are going out with someone, as they have to set out for an overpriced dinner, and warily compare themselves to other couples in order to see who is most in love. Valentine’s day is also deeply unpleasant for single people. If you go out to a night-club on the weekend before Valentine’s Day, you will see crowds of single people desperately looking to score, so that they might just have a date on the awful day.

It’s common knowledge that Valentine’s day is yet another marketing scam - people get fleeced on flowers, cards and other crap. Now even the anti-Valentine's Day movement has turned into a cliched marketing scam. Valentine’s Day makes people miserable. Abolishing it would increase the sum of human joy and happiness. We should liberate ourselves from the tyrannical hold of this loathsome occasion.”