10 Best Cities in the World

A READER WRITES: “Before I get fired, I want to blow all my money on a big holiday somewhere exciting. Where should I go?”

1. Singapore – people had told me it was boring, so I wasn’t expecting much. But the whole world is here – one minute you’re in the Chinese quarter, the next minute you are in the Indian area, then the Arab area, then the colonial English area, then the glitzy shopping centres devoted to prostitution. It’s clean and it’s safe - but boring? I don’t think so.

2. Jerusalem – The Old City’s Christian Quarter contains the Tomb of the Holy Sepulchre, built on the spot where Jesus rose from the dead – the purpose of the Crusades was to get back the Tomb of the Holy Sepulchre. Beside it is the spot where Jesus was crucified. 100 meters down from this is the Muslim quarter, which contains the Dome of the Rock – the rock where Abraham went to sacrifice his kid, the rock on which the Jews built their temple twice, the rock where Jesus threw the traders out of the temple, and the rock from which Mohammed ascended into heaven. When World War III finally happens, it’s going to be over this damn rock, so you might as well go and have a look. The final quarter in the Old City is the Armenian Quarter. Hold on there a second. The Armenian Quarter? What did the Armenians ever do to deserve a quarter? Why didn’t the Azerbaijanis get a quarter?

(If you go to Jerusalem, be sure and fly El Ail. Before you embark, you’ll be given a ferocious interrogation by small, olive-skinned Israeli girls with large, moist black eyes. Transfixed by their combination of beauty and strength, you’ll stammer out implausible answers to their impertinent questions)

3. Chongqing - I had never heard of it until I arrived there (pictured above). The municipal area of Chongqing has a population of a mere 32 million. Basically, Chongqing is on this list to represent “any of hundreds interior Chinese cities containing millions people” - because if you want to feel like you are on another planet, these are the places to go – the markets sell dogs and rats, the vast central plazas are full of eighty year olds doing Tai Chi and waltzing (they love their waltzing over there – the men waltz with each other, which is endearing), the skyscrapers and smog are incredible.

4. Berlin – This is here because of the Sony Centre in Potsdamer platz. Also, Karl-Marx-Strasse. Very cool.

5. Los Angeles – You have to have a car, and just keep driving along the freeways. Visit Venice Beach for a session of lunatic-watching. Very good vegan restaurants. LA kicks the ass off its yawn-inducing, predictable neighbour - San Francisco.

6. Tokyo – now THIS is a city. The biggest city on the face of the fucking planet. Step into a sci-fi movie, sir. Mind blowing.

7. Brussels – The manikin pis, snug pubs with super beer, Euro-offices. It’s always overcast and raining, which puts me in a rather nice melancholy frame of mind. When you’re in the mood, Brussels is unmatchable.

8. Hong Kong – the best skyline in the world. No competition. In fact, the Hong Kong skyline at night is the most beautiful man-made object on the planet.

9. Cape Town – for its setting below Table Mountain. I think there are only about five thousand murders a year, so it is much safer than Johannesburg. And it’s in South Africa. Amazing country.

10. Moscow, Istanbul and Shanghai. I haven’t been to any of these places, but I’ve already made up my mind about them. They rock.