Brad Pitt: “I can’t control Angelina”

BRAD PITT WRITES: “Angelina is just too much for me. I can’t control her at all at all. I sometimes even feel that I should have stuck with Jennifer Aniston. She was more needy, and I felt like I had some input into the relationship. What can I do to control this maniac? What would the great philosophers have done?”

BRIAN BARRINGTON, PHILOSOPHICAL COUNSELLOR TO THE STARS, REPLIES: Angelina is a formidable woman. But Brad, if you had stayed with Jennifer you would have been bored with her. Overall, I think you did the right thing. You need a woman who will challenge you.

What would the great philosophers have done in your situation? Well, most of them never married, so it’s hard to say. In fact, it’s doubtful if many of them ever even met a woman. However, Socrates did get married to the notorious shrew Xanthippe, whose nagging ways made his life a misery. Here is a conversation recorded about her:

Anisthenes: 'Why don't you train Xanthippe, instead of having a wife who is of all living women – and I believe of all that ever have been or will be – the most difficult to get on with?'

Socrates: 'Because I notice that people who want to become good horsemen keep not the most docile horses but ones that are high-spirited, because they think that if they can control these, they will easily manage any other horses. In the same way, since I wish to deal and associate with people, I have provided myself with this wife, because I am quite sure that, if I can put up with her, I shall find it easy to get on with any other human being.' This explanation was felt to be not far off the mark.

A man asked Socrates whether he would advise him to marry or not. Socrates replied, 'Whichever you do, you will repent it'. Another man said to Socrates that 'The abusive temper of Xanthippe is intolerable'. Socrates rejoined: 'But I am used to it, just as I should be if I were always hearing the noise of a pulley; and you yourself endure to hear geese cackling.'

So regard Angelina as a wild horse who tests your horsemanship skills. Being with Angelina will make you a stronger, wiser person.

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