"I hate speaking in public"

A READER WRITES; Hello there, I have some challenges in my life that maybe you can help me with. The main one is fear of public speaking. In my job I have to give presentations to rooms filled with people very regularly. Unfortunately before each event I become stupefied with terror and even the grains of effexor that I steal from my mother don't help to calm me down. My palms sweat, my throat dries up and I know I look utterly paniced to passers by.

Someone once gave me the advice that I should picture the audience in their underwear - I'm not sure what this is supposed to achieve but the one time I tried it I got so distracted by the outlandish things that people wear under their work clothes that I couldn't concentrate. It got me to thinking that it would be fun to turn up at a public talk one day not wearing any underwear and sit up front and centre. Then when the speaker starts to imagine he'll get quite the surprise when it comes to me.

Anyway we can joke but this is a serious problem for me. When I speak I am afraid of looking afraid. I'm afraid of forgetting my material. I'm afraid of being boring. I'm also afraid that a woman hiding inside the lectern will surreptitiously fellate me while I try to present. I think this latter fear comes from watching Police Acadamy ten times or more when I was 8 years old.

So what to do? Is this pure ego - can I transcend my terrors? Should I just look for a job with not speaking role? I don't see this happening to others. What is wrong with me?

BB SAYS: First, there’s nothing wrong with you. Nearly everyone finds public speaking daunting and traumatic. You may not SEE it happening to others but inside it is happening to them. And you may think that your panic is visible to others, but it may not be like that at all - if you saw a video of yourself speaking you might be surprised how calm and competent you look. Even many speakers who appear calm and in control are terrified inside. Fear is natural and needs to be accepted. Fear of public speaking is an extremely common trait in human beings that can be traced back to our early evolution to help track what others think of us. The fear of being excommunicated from the community is literally hard-wired in us. The goal, then, should not be the complete elimination of something that is etched in our psyche - instead we need to examine the situations that set it off and try to inhibit it.

In my experience, the best way to manage it is to practice. Lots of it. Know every word of what you are going to say inside out - go over the presentation with your partner over and over again, or with someone else. Know every word on every slide. Practice with these people. You will be dreadful. You will panic in front of them. But if you practice enough then on the day it will come flowing out.

On the day itself, you just need to be afraid and speak anyway. As stupid as this seems, it’s possibly the most reliable way to gain confidence in speaking. Be afraid, be nervous, be hesitant, but do it anyway. I know this is a cliché, but it is true. Think about what you are doing in the presentation: all you are doing is speaking. You speak all the time. You are able to speak. There is no reason not to be able to do it.

Programs like Toastmasters have proved time and again that any fear, even public speaking, can be managed through practice. You may still experience anxiety but you will have the tools to manage it and make your presentations easier on yourself. Join Toastmasters.

http://www.toastmasters.ie/

It is scary to go to your first meeting and then to give your first speech, but it is a very supportive group. Many, if not most, of the people there will feel the same way as you. It is also inexpensive, and you can work at your own pace. In the beginning, there are smaller roles that you can volunteer for if you do not feel ready to give a speech (such as introducing a vocabulary word to the group or telling a joke).

If that does not work, and speaking is still making you miserable, then consider a change of career.