“I've been enslaved by my instincts”

A READER WRITES: “I'm a big fan and I enjoy your work. My question: I fear that I've been enslaved by my instincts. I don't choose what makes me happy or gives me pleasure, but I spend my time running round trying to pursue happiness and doing pleasurable things. Similarly I don't choose my wants. They were decided for me. Can I be more free by ignoring my wants and my happiness?”

BB SAYS: Excellent question! Many of our desires, instincts and needs are NOT chosen by us. They are hardwired into our DNA, and part of our human nature e.g. the desire for survival, food, sex, status, social belonging, knowledge. However, there are other desires that are largely given to us by the society we live in – such as the desire to take out a loan to buy an expensive car that you might not really need, or the desire to circumcise your children. These desires are not universal, but specific to particular times and places – they are conventional and conditional, not natural. Often these desires arise from attempts by society (or those in power) to exploit you.

First, you need to make a distinction between your NEEDS (which are natural) and your WANTS (which are conventional). You can work to control your “wants”, and make sure that you do not pursue short-term “pleasure” at the expense of long-term happiness. You can do this by liberating yourself from the conventions of the society you happen to find yourself in.

But what about your needs? These can also be rationally analysed and evaluated. Pursuing any particular need to EXCESS can also lead to long-term unhappiness. For example, eating too much at the expense of one’s health and appearance. Or drinking too much alcohol. Or having too much sex at the expense of real love. The key is to pursue each need in MODERATION, so that you remain in balance – if you pursue one need to excess, it could be at the expense of your other needs.

Also, researchers in the Psychology of Happiness make a distinction between PLEASURE and JOY. Pleasure comes from the short-term indulgence of satisfying a desire e.g. watching TV, taking drugs. In this case, you are generally not using your FACULTIES in any challenging way, but merely passively trying to achieve pleasure. Such activities rarely bring much lasting joy or satisfaction. For example, many people report that they are at their least happy when watching TV, because they are being passive and do not feel in control. In contrast, researchers have found that ACTIVE and challenging use of one’s faculties brings lasting joy and satisfaction e.g. activities like rock-climbing, creating works of art, learning to play a musical instrument, gardening and so forth. These activities may not be instantly pleasurable while you are doing them, because they are hard work. But when people look back on these activities they always say “Yes, when I was doing that I felt really alive and in flow. It was a joyous experience. I felt I was in control”. Researchers have found that people who focus on these kinds of challenging activities tend to be HAPPY.

If you are interested in pursuing this further I would recommend reading “Flow: Psychology of Happiness” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Csikszentmihalyi has taken an EMPIRICAL approach to seeing what makes people happy, by studying and interviewing thousands of happy people. He has come up with some interesting results. I would also recommend reading Aristotle’s “Ethics”.